Breaking the chains

Why is it we don’t live our lives to our fullest potential, how many times have we held ourselves back, we look back and wish we had done something differently or taken a leap of faith.

I am not just talking about regrets,
more about missed opportunities or lost moments.

Is it because we believe we are not good enough?, we look at a job specification and the list of key skills where we can’t meet two or three of them, our eyes connect with the person of our dreams and we can’t gather the courage to tell them how we feel and make the first move, or we stutter and stumble when trying to talk to a figure of authority or famous person.  Maybe we want to stop smoking, lose weight, save money, or pay off debt and we don’t take the first step.

Whatever is holding us back is generally in our own heads, generally our own insecurities or procrastinations.  I have met many people who wish, many who would like, and many who are envious of those people who do grab life and achieve their goals.

There are many motivational and life coaches with great skills to unlocking your true potential, they focus on removing the obstacles and blockers in your life and allow you to move forward and grasp opportunities.

For me I was stuck in a rut, caught in a catch 22, everything seemed to be conspiring against me from moving forward.  I was caught up in self-doubt, lack of confidence and a worry about the negatives.  I soon realised that in order to generate change I needed to build up momentum to break the chains holding me back.

I needed to reach escape velocity to break free of the gravity pulling me back to earth, I need to do so without destroying the heat resistant tiles that would allow me to safely re-enter the atmosphere without burning up, and at a safe enough angle so I didn’t bounce off into space.  I needed to be able to land safely, intact and able to carry on with my life.

In order to achieve significant change it is often necessary to aim past the point you want to achieve.  In order to hit the 100% turnaround requires a momentum of 150% or more, or you will only achieve 75% of what you require.   You can’t give up smoking a bit to change your life, when trying to lose weight your target is often tough and a challenge, but the rewards are there to be taken.

For many years I procrastinated over my Gender Identity, hiding behind the screen I had cultivated and developed all my life, peeking out from behind once in a while, when I could.  I was now 50 years old, life was passing, the clock ticking and I was becoming caught up in an ever growing torment .  Trapped by my own lack of confidence, lack of willingness to make the necessary changes in my life.  Held back by the risk of rejection, failure and ruin.  Would I be all alone, isolated, laughed at, jobless and penniless?, You hear some many stories of other individuals whose lives hadn’t worked out, would this be my destination?

I started to look at and consider regrets I might have in the future if I did nothing.  My facial hair was relatively dark, I knew it would start to turn grey in the next year or so and understood that Laser Removal would not be an option then.  So I was faced with a clear decision point; would I regret not commencing laser hair removal, would the lack of a beard ever be a problem to me if I decided not to follow through with my transition.   It was a clear answer; the cost of procrastination would cause regret, and I would not regret having it done. Decision taken, my first step was made!

Independently of my Gender Identity thoughts I also decided to lose weight.  I had been “morbidly obese” for many years and I was starting to feel the effects.  Through a “Slimming World” style plan, some basic exercise through walking and swimming, I managed to lose 8 stone (~50kg) in just over 12 months.

These two decisions were very significant on my journey, the impact they had on my self-confidence was so liberating.  They unlocked a whole belief in who I was and made my dreams and wishes to start looking achievable.  I was able to look in the mirror and see the person I always believed I was inside.  After the 14 sessions of Laser Hair Removal on my face it means I am no longer self-conscious of my shadow, my complexion has softened and I don’t need to layer on vast qualities of foundation and make-up to cover up.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.

I still have many more chains to break and many more obstacles to overcome, but my momentum is building, these two events were the key to enablers starting my journey.  I no longer feeling trapped, just wishing, or wandering aimlessly. I have now taken control of my velocity, direction and destination.

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